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More About My Confusion
August 30, 2004 at 4:05 p.m.
There were eight letters that didn't get put together last nite to form a certain sentance, but I'm not exactly sure why I expected them to be. I'm not exactly sure that I wanted them to be. I have no idea what I want anymore. It's like if I admit the way I am really feeling then it will come true for sure and then there will be nothing left for me.
Maybe that's not the way I'm relly feeling. I don't even know what I'm feeling. My emotions are so back and forth on this subject that it makes me want to cry. None of it makes sense.
One thing I do know for sure, I am glad Jared is leaving for college. No more lonely days thinking about him and her together. I will finally be at peace... Okay, well, not at all, but it will make days like today a little easier because they won't exist and I know that if I ever want to see him all I have to do is get in my car and go see him. It will probably take a little more gas than it does to get to his house now, but I'm okay with that, because I will get to see him more than she will... I am so pathetic.
I slept basically all day (kinda) and I intend to go home and sleep more. It wasn't until I started seeing my doctor that I realized that I truly am depressed. She siad I need to start doing something physical, find a hobby, and start having a social life. I'm hanging out with Tara and Chris on Wednesday and Cara on Thrusday or Friday so I guess that is a step in the right dirrection, even if it is only a small step.
I'm eating this cereal, that isn't blue, but it turned my fingers, tongue and lips blue. I just don't understand.
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envyyou
jenifer-007
boysxkickxme
jarardlikesu
ending-here
DearJared
weneedariot
x-star-
blackout-
dana-elayne
emokid-112
xshebreaks
andwebreathe
kaydizzle
gloryxxfades
britneypink
eatxmexalive
yourmove-
darceek
onlydespair
girls-suck
greed-
amber163
fragiledeath
lovemeonce
xbeeyatchx
addisen
ifiwere
forever-emo-