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Wishful Thinker
May 22, 2004 at 1:30 a.m.
Listening to "Take Lots With Alcohol" by Alkaline Trio
Feeling: Sad
Can someone please explain to me what goes on inside his head. How is it that every word that comes out of my mouth is the wrong one? Why can he knock me down to nothing and pull me up so high without even trying? How can I be in love with this person who tears my heart apart? Why do his arms feel like the right place to be even when he makes me feel this way? How can someone who does this to me be so perfect?
I wish I could say what I'm really thinking. Scream it out until my throath bleeds. I wish I didn't hate everything around me when I pretend like I love everyone and everything. Sometimes I even wish my best friends would disappear. I wish he and I were the only people on the face of the planet and his only option was to die or make love to me once more. I don't remember what making love feels like. I hate everything around me.
I hate the way I feel. I hate that I'm so tired. I hate Cursive. I hate Matchbook Romance. I hate my brother. I hate Tony Hawk. I hate sex. I hate emotions. I hate text messages. I hate 1 AM phone calls. I hate Ciara. I wish I hated him. I don't hate any of these things... Except for Ciara, I really do hate her... I wish Cory hadn't said those things to me.
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