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The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
2003-10-06 at 12:30 p.m.
Listening to: "Summer Wind was Always Our Song" by The Ataris
Feeling: sad
So here's my full out confession to no one cuz no one cares. I'm so lost and confused in everything that is going on in my life right. It's like I'm not capable of making a decision and I feel like I'm destroying my life every day I spend just sitting here.
When I think back at all the chances I had to apply for college I don't know why I didn't. I could be sharing a dorm room with Ruby right now actually getting thru college. That would have been my best bet, but I said I wasn't going to college. Now here I am dying to be an english teacher, but I just don't know where to start. I want my mom to sit down and help me, but she doesn't. I tried to explain to her how I felt and she just got upset with me for not having any motivation. I feel like no one is willing to help me.
My next issue is a job. How on earth am I going to get a job? I can't drive and it’s going to be months until I can. Money isn't a huge problem for me, but I feel like such a loser not going to school or having a job. I want to feel useful in life.
The final problem in my life is Jared. We can't stand each other, but we love each other. Almost every day I think of breaking up, but I can't imagine my life without him. I love him ohso much and don't know what I would do without him. He's like my backbone. No matter what I know he's there and he's always supporting me, but all the fighting is just too much. I wish I knew what to do.
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