{{{Bite Me}}}

And This is High School
2003-03-31 at 3:05 p.m.

Listening to: "Makin' Money" by Handsome Devil

Feeling: lonely, worried, sad, hungry, okay

So today wasn't a lame first day back like expected, but it wasn't anything special. I was basically ignored as usual, but I don't mind too much. Josh talked to me so that's always a plus. As for my classes it was a pretty easy day. In World Lit. we just talked about spring break. In 20th Cen. we worked on posters which only made me realize even more how much a perfectionist I am. Oregon Lit. was lame as usual.

I guess over spring break Lisa, Ruby, Jon and some others all went out to some place Jon's parents own and got drunk for Jon's birthday but the cops showed up. Ruby lucked out by hiding in the bushes, but Lisa, Jon, and some of the others got MIPs. Ruby thought it had all worked out, but Jon's mom found out and said she was gonna tell Frankie so she went to Jon's to beg his mom not to tell her. I really hope it all works out for her because I know how much trouble she'll be in and I don't want that to happen to her cuz that would suck.

Living without Jared hasn’t been miserable but I do miss him a lot. Thankfully today went by quick so I didn't have too much time to miss him. It's weird not being with him after spending six days together. I really think that we can make this work and that I will be with him forever. I know no one really believes me or agrees with me but I think we can do this because I know how much we love each other and that we can't live without each other. I'm so close to saying lets make this official again but I'm kinda scared that it might ruin what we have and I don't want that to happen. I love the way our relationship is going and I don't want it to change, but I know that I have to deal with my fear of commitment or we'll never get married.

Last nite David went on his trip about wanting to be more. I know exactly how he feels, wanting something that you can't have. Now I understand how Josh feels. David is such a nice kid and sweet and likes the same kind of music that I do, but I just don't like him like that. I love Jared and nothing can change that. It took over a year but I'm finally to the point in my relationship where simple crushes can't affect our relationship and I'm glad to be here, but I hate hurting David. I feel like he wants to just not be friends at all but I'd miss him so much. I wish he could understand and deal with it, but it took nearly five years for me to reach that point with Josh so I know where he's coming from.

bite back // scratch away

:PLAYLIST:

:I READ:
envyyou
jenifer-007
boysxkickxme
jarardlikesu
ending-here
DearJared
weneedariot
x-star-
blackout-
dana-elayne
emokid-112
xshebreaks
andwebreathe
kaydizzle
gloryxxfades
britneypink
eatxmexalive
yourmove-
darceek
onlydespair
girls-suck
greed-
amber163
fragiledeath
lovemeonce
xbeeyatchx
addisen
ifiwere
forever-emo-